#my body unless i'm actively in pain i don't know how to figure out oh doing this much makes me feel like this and that's good i don't think

[vraska-theunseen]

i keep thinking like oh i'll take this weekend off bc i went to philly last weekend and the weekend before that and then my friend sends me a message like "there's this block party happening saturday and this person might be there" and i made a fool of myself in front of that person when i met them for the first time because i got too crossfaded and forgot to act like a considerate person like you know when you forget that the things that are happening to you are real so i want to make a better impression and then another friend says hey who wants to have a picnic on sunday and i think hey i could make babka then (2 day recipe) and suddenly i'm like well guess i'm booked for this weekend too

[stray-tori]

link click s2e01+02 eng dub thoughts

waiting for my friends to wake up for new link click ep so i'm watching the dubbed episodes and ??? holy, the death flash segment has such a different vibe.

well not SO different but yknow... I do hope they didn't write themselves into a corner here...

Dub: "I'm sorry… everything is going to be different now. death isn't something even one of us can change. the best we can do is accept it, so please don't let this be another burden for you to carry." Sub: "It seems... everything is changing... If death cannot be avoided, then it might be better to face it now."

"don't let this become another burden" ???? ToT

Dub!LG was rly like "dude, speak faster- thERES SO MUCH MORE PAIN YOU CAN FIT IN HERE" dshjds-

Also I find the "even one of us can change" bit to be a little off-throwing. Maybe the emphasis is slightly wrong but I didn't process what he meant immediately upon first hearing it. Sounded more like "ONE of us" than "one of US" (i.e. ability).

alejandro's slight stutter when answering about the ability UGH GOLD

Little sad that the flow of red-eyes conversation isn't as good. usually the dub did great with convo flow, but here it seems a little jumpy. "if you dont know where to start, let's start with activation" -> "I can't quite figure it out" (then proceeds to explain how much they alr figured out adhsjds-)

Also the "i need to trust you again" depends heavily on the viewer knowing what red-eyes means there (i.e. the lie of no cops/the dark room plan).

ik that this is in the sub too, but the "but she sees right through you" is still a little weird to me and it's more obvious in dub i think. I thought that what this was going for was a sort of "you may be okay with fooling me, but fooling her (while i'm her) will end badly" kinda deal, but maybe I was wrong? In the dub it just directly sounds like they mean they were only able to tell the lie because they're in QL's body and get some of her memories and feelings (like CXS does, maybe?) - but they actively paid attention to his shaking hands and everything, so I kind of don't think they relied purely on QL.

nooo they keep making red-eyes slightly different. from them assuming the photos and then confirming it through the "does he run here or teleport" moment, instead they just try... to stab her?? i guess?? and then they go "ohh i get it now" which... isn't a huge difference but kind of takes away from their smart thinking.

Going from the reaction -> "oh so I was right! How interesting!" (sub) to -> "teleporting with pictures, talk about a convenient power!"

STOP!! REMOVING!! THEIR THOUGHT PROCESS >:(

"why would I wanna hurt lu guang? he's family to me!" dub out here confirming the marriage, good for them good for them why would they do this to me

"you said the girl is innocent" -> "from what we saw it wasn't the girl" WHAT ABOUT THE BLOOD ALL OVER HER MADE YOU CONCLUDE THAT

Changing the part where CXS calls the murderer "the person who calls themselves my friend" (paraphrased) was a good call, bc that... sure was A Move.

Damn, dub just implied CXS wanted to perma-dive via "Two years... that is more than enough time. i could go back and change everything.". afaik we still don't know if the 12h restriction is bc of lu guang's rules or actually a restriction, so that is... certainly A Move, too. In Sub I felt like it was just desperate and he might have tried even with the 12h windows, but here it rly does sound like he'd just dive for longer? Unless I'm reading the dialog wrong...

"Sorry to disappoint" LOL ICONIC, slight adjustment but based.

"what's with the stuffed animal? not for me, i guess?" LMAO HELP ME- "it's for my daughter, wise guy." PFFT

"and he's already a ghost. he doesn't even have social media. some might say he doesn't exist" o... okay? does dub know more than we do dshjds-

"Breathe, damn it!!" pfft Captain Xiao is trying-

"is he the streetfighter master siwen talked about?" DUB WHAT ARE YOU DOING- i'm p sure this is just about the style, not the person ahhh-

"our backup's gonna be here soon" - "how funny, mine just arrived" While not what I've seen people translate this line as, still a good flow for this moment.

Aight. Some stumbles imo, but maybe they know more than we do and it'll all work out!

[a-really-cool-blog-name]

Can you tell us more about Lily and the never ending mirror please 🥺

OH HOHO You asked for this! (YES I GET TO INFO DUMP PLEASE ASK ME ABOUT MY OTHER STORIES I HAVE SO MANY OR OTHER QUESTIONS YOU HAVE ABOUT THIS I LOVE TALKING) Without further a due I'm gonna start with the characters!

Lily: Our main girl, we love her. She's 14. A little sassy and very loyal, she windes up in the neverending mirror at the start of the story when on a trip at a fall fair with her family. She is VERY confused and worried right now.

Charles: Anxiety 💯 He's 15. He's been in this place for about two years now. Insecure but VERY protective, caring, and a great big brother to Mary, Speaking of-

Mary: E N E R G Y. She's 11. She's been here for a little less than by like two months. Energetic, hyper active, optimistic, and outgoing, she's voted most likely to yell "echo" in a cave even when she needs to be stealthy. Cares a lot about her friends and family (Well, whatever family she can still visit while in here. Which is just Charles.) and is not going to let them think badly about themselves if she can help it.

Thomas "Archive": Won't tell you his name unless he trusts you, he's worried about Lily "Working for the government" whenever he first meets her, whatever that means. He's 17. Been here for five years. Book lover. Actually has a corkboard with red string connecting pictures. Mostly just Friends with Mary (Kind of unintentional on his part) at the beginning but will later becomes closer to the other characters.

Mabel: Angry and lonely. Her body and mind is twelve at least. She's been here for a while at least. Reason why everyone is here. (If you want more I may do a post specifically about her and the next person)

???: That's weird, I forgot what I was saying! What Character? >:)

(She doesn't have a name yet, oop.) (this is an edit in the future her name is Carol now):A very caring and sweet lady, acts as a mother figure and helps people when- well, I'll get into that later. Most likely to call you sweetheart or honey. She's in her 30's.

(He ALSO doesn't have a name yet): In his late 20's. Kind of rude and grumpy because of this whole situation.

(There are like 20 more people there but I don't have ideas for them lol)

ACTUAL PLOT TIME!

So, The neverending mirror! As the name implies you get pushed by a mysterious hand coming out of a book fall through a mirror to end up there. If you were to walk all the way to the end of this pocket dimension you'd just end up on the other side. This place changes it's inhabitants the longer they're stuck there for, painfully. (Woooo angst and hurt/comfort)

Charles has a black smokey-ness (I don't know how else to describe it)covering half his face and his arm but he doesn't want to worry anyone and doesn't want to acknowledge it's getting worse because he already hates this he can teleport and make portals which is very useful for helping people get around in this place.

Mary has REALLY REALLY good hearing and sharp teeth. Everything can be too loud which hurts sometimes and her teeth ache sometimes and it's hard to chew but it's fine because in Mary's mind she looks SICK and that's all that matters.

"Archive" just... doesn't have legs anymore. He misses them a lot He has this pink purple smoke around where they would be. (It would totally suck if had phantom pain from not having legs anymore ha ha ha) But, on the bright side he can float and make other things float! He never has to worry about getting something off the top shelf again!

Mabel has nothing wrong with her you can see, yet. (Make her angry or she just doesn't have the energy to keep it constantly up and well, that's a different story. She basically has horns made of crumbled up paper and a bookmark tail inspired by no one at all (*COUGH COUGH SCRIPTLESS COUGH COUGH*))

???...

Carol has "Galaxy" hair, eyes, and hands. She can also heal people and she comforts someone whenever a "change" happens, she can't stop it from happening but she can at least help the pain a little.

(He's not a important character in the slightest how could you tell? lol ) Just Snake/lizard features

Lily is fine (physically at least) at the beginning of the story and is scared of it happening to her. She's hoping to find some way out of here before that happens. (Spoiler, she fails at that. Get a third eye, idiot.)

The story is mainly about Lily, Charles, Mary (And Archive but slightly less so) trying to get to the bottom of this place and maybe, just maybe, finally getting out.

(It's also about the tragedy of two siblings from Britain in the past and the pain of no one ever remembering you or being able to truly love you and getting older but never growing up, but that's a post for another day.)

[venusinpiscestmarsinscorpio]

Hello ! Since you’re a Scorpio mars, could you describe Scorpio Mars folks in general ?

How should I start? 😏😏😏

Oh god, I love this question. Thank you so much for asking it! I'll tell you about the sexual aspect because I think that's what you're probably the most curious about.

Edit: I told you about everything that came to mind, lol.

Mars in Scorpios (hereby known after this as Scorpios) have an arsenal of tools to seduce you. From their voices to their aura, to their bodies, to their intense eye contact and piercing, "serial killer" stares. Not all Mars in Scorpios are conventionally attractive, but there should be something sexy about them. It's usually the aura. However, of course, some are total knockouts.

Mars in Scorpios are very sexual, unless Mars is debilitated somehow. I say that because one of my female friends born 2 days before me is asexual, and one of my younger guy friends who is a Mars in Scorpio is still a virgin but doesn't seem in touch with that kind of energy. (I think his Mars is also in the 12th house, so maybe that doesn't help?)

Not only are they sexual, but Scorpios are also passionate. Passion motivates them because motivation also falls under the domain of Mars. Typically, a Scorpio woman like me will only sleep with you if we feel SUPER PASSIONATE about you. Like we're going to die if we don't fuck you.

Scorpio women are some of the most selective Mars women out there. However, depending on the whole chart (esp. the Sun & Venus sign), some are more promiscuous & less choosy than others. And the horniness is compelling, so they just want to have sex with people. No shame either way. Like everyone, but especially Scorpios, they should be careful of STDs as Scorpio rules the genitals.

In every lifetime, I'd choose to be a Mars in Scorpio. The motivation, drive, and sexual allure are unmatched. I'm pretty sexual, but I'm celibate currently. That's another thing about Mars in Scorpios: they are either very celibate (and preserving their energy, which can then be put into achieving their goals & ambitions) OR extremely sexually active. It's Scorpio, so there are extremes.

Regarding motivation, they can do anything if they care about it enough. They have a strong sense of survival & sexuality that intertwine. Whenever I'm going through a rough time, I'll look hotter for some reason... and more people will be attracted to me. It's so weird.

Don't think you can take a Mars in Scorpio down...because you can't. And don't try to cross them either. Because if they care enough, they will plan and plot their revenge, whether that takes a couple of days or a few years.

Regarding anger, their anger is very emotional and intense. They DO NOT want to blow up and lose it. DO NOT MAKE THEM DO THIS. Please. You don't want to see a Mars in Scorpio lose it. They will be super emotional, and later, when they've cooled down, they might get you back in the most painful way possible.

Luckily, it takes A LOT to really make them lose it. Like a lot. It's a slow buildup of annoyances.

But don't test them. After all, Taylor Swift has a Mars in Scorpio, and you know how that's turned out in every breakup song. And Reputation. If you ever want to understand Mars in Scorpio, listen to Reputation from beginning to end. You'll see how a Mars in Scorpio gets revenge and how they seduce you. #MarsinScorpioQueen

That brings to me how they are in bed. Besides being very passionate, they like to dominate. (Obviously, check the whole chart.) It's important for them to explore the (deep) depths of their sexuality and figure out exactly what they like.

I hope this answered all your questions! I know this is a little more than "general"; there was a lot to say.

Please follow my astro insta for this account that I made today if you like my content: https://www.instagram.com/venusinpiscestmarsinscorpio/

[i-need-air]

Hybrid!AU Wolf!Bakugou Katsuki HCs Part 2.

Summary: Part 2 is here! While in part 1 it was mostly adoption and how he'd behave with you as a roommate, part two is him ✨ realizing things ✨ followed by how he'd be in a romantic relationship.

Word Count: 2k words [ oops, I did it again ]

Notes: So I said it'll be out in a few days but three [3] people asked me for part 2 and I'm a sucker soooooooo!! I could've just written a long ass fic but whatever, I thought I'd make it shorter in headcanons... hah lol right. Enjoy!

Part 1 here!

× he's a wild wolf so he's very active; like you need to understand he needs to go outside if not he'd get impatient, more aggressive, snappy, so once you took him on an easy hiking trail near your house and he loved it so once or twice a month you both go together to different places [ he demands it ]

× it's hard to keep up with him bc he's literally genetically engineered to be better than any very fit human being but he slows down for you

× morning runs at 5 a.m. bc he's insane

× is also a grandpa

× watched all documentaries on any streaming platform you could provide to him, also loves reading

× as months pass and you start to have your routine in order, word comes to you that an acquaintance is looking for a security guard at his mechanical shop two streets away from your house

× you casually mentioned it to Bakugou because he was starting to act anxious whenever you'd leave the house, so you assumed he was extra bored

× seriously, the house was spotlessly cleaned, he cooked amazingly and was occupied with your old laptop and going around the city to explore, but you guessed he wanted more independence?

× little did you know you were right but so wrong lol

× so Bakugou stared at you intensely and asked "Where?"

× it was as easy as telling him the location, him nodding and you thought he'd consider it; you didn't put any pressure on him because he already did so much to help around anyway

× well guess what bitch, next day he comes up to you saying you gotta co-sign his contract [cuz fuck society] meaning he got the job

× he was perfect for it because tall, intimidating, muscular wolf guy? who'd even mess with him? do they have a death wish?

× well, even before this he started to be... soft

× but once you really did show him you support whatever he wants to do, you give him his freedom and liberty of choice, he just reaaally changes, man

× he gets touchy, like his hands stay one second longer on your skin, he uses any excuse to have them on you, even his eyes follow you everywhere

× like c'mon, it's obvious but you didn't wanna put too much thought into it because we're respectful here

× not like you had a big fat crush on him and slowly started to realize it too

× sike bitch he knows

× you think his super-hearing didn't catch the way your heartbeat spikes up every single time he touches you? *please*

× i think he knows before you know

× meanwhile he is working to discover his feelings too

× so your relationship slowly turns into a couple's like relationship but without anything official and of course no kissing or such [ sadly ]

× would get jealous easily

× basically because nothing is talked between you two and deep down is insecure

× why the hell do you smell like other people? was it just a hug or something else? hell, why would you even hug people when he's right there??? just ask and don't touch some extras????

× another thing he does is getting very close to you while you talk to somebody else; scoffs and glares at them too

× ok so!! gifts! he really appreciates any gift you give him but scolds you if you do because you genuinely don't need to do that

× of course he just scolds you and calls you an idiot so I do hope you already learned his language

× it basically means that you shouldn't have done it, he's really grateful but seriously you shouldn't have

× like that one time you saved up money to get him a good computer and he forgot how to speak for like an hour

× the softest thank you ever afterwards

× still sounded rough but he was shocked as fuck

× one thing that remained in your brain were his friends, as sometimes he'd mention them

× so you took it upon yourself to find them, of course with his permission

× gets genuinely overwhelmed and plays it off saying he wouldn't mind knowing where those idiots ended but you didn't miss the way his voice trembled

× for you to find them you needed names and any information he could provide so that's when he, after a long silence and a mesmerized look on his face, started really talking about his life

× which was fucked; won't get much into detail but he was indeed in a fighting ring, people came and bet on whoever was stronger, he even had to fight his friends, everything was filled with abuse and their conditions were subhuman...

× just overall awful

× you couldn't help but hug him tight, feeling him shake in your arms

× with a hesitant voice he asked if you really did think there was a chance to find them

× just couldn't believe how amazing he felt in your arms

× or how your determination that night made his heart clench and took a big weight off his shoulders

× anywho;;;; after his first paycheck he takes you out on cute dates

× never calls them that, just demands you dress up [helps you out cuz boy got style] and takes you to a nice coffee shop or something

× AND on your fifth not date cuz you're not official but there's this weird tension between you date he finally kinda s n a p s

× you honestly didn't expect the waiter to flirt with you, he came out as very pushy and even if you were a lil uncomfortable you smiled and brushed it off

× when the waiter suggested giving you his number the sandy blond hybrid growled

× which i shit you not made the whole coffee shop freeze

× and you froze too

× but neither of you could say anything because the oblivious fuck kept talking

× basically joking about how you should keep your pet in a leash, to which you got up, threw some money on the table, grabbed Bakugou by the hand and leave before he'd rip someone's head off

× it only took you to touch Bakugou's arm to calm him down as he followed behind you wordlessly

× so you stood outside, angry, deep red eyes on your figure

× and silence

× his hand still in yours

× it was warm and amazing and you felt angry but your heart was beating loudly; angry at the waiter that you wanted to go full Karen on and get fired but excited because that growl shook you to the core, as if you could tell it was territorial and it was because of that pig flirting with you and did Bakugou Katsuki just lace his fingers with you?!

× "Oi." he interrupted your thoughts

× he turned your frame towards him and pulled you [kinda harshly] into him

× you'd make a comment about it but brain empty, just Bakugou Katsuki blushing

× "You're mine, you get it?"

× skdjflglykshs

× it sounded like he asked but it was a demand so oops you're his now ok bye

× like I said, boy isn't dumb so he lowkey knew you felt something too

× legit from there on he's just soft as fuck

× has a hard time opening up but visibly tries for you

× still continues to be a pain in the ass, Bakugou Style, but with a loving teasing attitude behind it

× his eyes give him away all the time

× they shine whenever you're in his field of view so congrats because, and this is the best part:

× WOLVES MATE FOREVER 💕💓💞💗💝💟

× oh yeah, he's yours, no takebacks

× he isn't one to half-ass the relationship; you're his now and he'll do anything for you

× big time touch starved it hurts

× because he is shy

× so whenever you introduce him to hand holding and cuddles, he can't get enough

× not big on PDA [ and not recommended since human-hybrid relationships are kiiiinda frowned upon but it's getting better ]

× although at home it's another deal

× seriously cuddle him; he's big into the protector vibe so he's a big spoon almost exclusively unless it's to sleep on top of you

× speaking of! accept that even if your relationship isn't that intimate, he'd still hint about sleeping together in the same bed

× so you better catch on when he does because he'll just click his tongue and call you needy

× while dragging you to bed

× sleeps holding you, his nose in your hair or in the crook of your neck

× unless it's summer then stay on your side 💅

× you know those kisses that just scream "I can't get enough of you"? that's his whole kissing vibe in a sentence

× hell, even the gentlest kiss gives that vibe away and it'll 100% leave you breathless

× doesn't have experience but is a very fast learner

× pays very close attention to your body language

× really into biting your skin enough to leave marks

× wear his hoodies

× no, I'm fucking serious, wear them now

× his chest puffs and he turns into a blushing mess when you do it the first times because his scent is on you

× scenting is a big thing for him so of course he's gonna love it

× 10x more territorial because now he has a mate to protect

× jealous but trusts you

× still very jealous though

× let's all pretend he is definitely not scenting you before you go out because it's in his nature and it is embarrassing

× the first time he tells you he loves you it's when he's feeling vulnerable

× the search for his friends is still on-going, he feels less than adequate as a providing mate, is pissed at the world for treating him like an inferior animal when they created him, everything is piled on his shoulders and whenever than happens he closes off

× you notice immediately

× will not tell you at first

× it's only when you go to bed and he turns his back to you when you really know it's bad

× even if you fought before, he'd angrily snuggle you at night-time

× now it's so different

× hug him, whisper sweet nothings in his ear, pull a blanket all over you both and big spoon him, he'd start shaking and talking in no time

× will hide his tears from you but you'd know

× "You're the best fucking thing that happened to me, [Y/N]... I—... Shit... I love you so much."

× neither of you slept that night

× excuse you? drink some water and pray to jesus;;; you talked about feelings, ok? communication is key in a relationship, puh-lease

× [ i have this whole nsfw hcs post already cookin in my brain so maybe I'll make it happen cuz y'all know he has a mating season and all that comes with it 👀 ]

× back to being children of jesus here

× thanks the moon, the heavens and all the gods for putting you in his life; boy didn't believe in destiny but deep down he thinks you were meant to be

× you still better wash the dishes or you'll get your ass kicked.

Extra:

× you did find some of his friends, little by little, and even if he acted nonchalant, like k das cool, it was obvious he was extremely happy

× so they did get adopted too

× you got in contact with them on social media and they were all very excited about meeting

× so it was a chaotic meeting with a dog hybrid called Kirishima and a mouse like vibrat yellow guy called Kaminari

× they all were looking for Bakugou too since they were very worried about where he ended

× Kirishima shed manly tears when seeing Bakugou

× as they instantly welcomed you in their small group, they informed you both that the majority of the squad was adopted and they're in contact, while they're still actively looking for the others

× cue to the softest expression you've seen on Bakugou in public followed by "That's good"

× silence

× shock and silence

× Kaminari turning to you and whispering "You did this" with a hand on his heart, lips trembling as he wiped an imaginary tear

× insert instantly snappy Bakugou

× when everyone laughed and continued to make plans to meet up with the others, he just looked at you conversing with them, soft expression again on his features and his chest warming

× "Oh! Look, he's doing it again! Quick, take a pictur—"

× "SHINE!"

[ourceliumnetwork]

So I am still going to do that vent post about the pain things because like. This shit fucking sucks and i'm so tired of it but there is just...

There's no escape.

I don't take medicine, I hurt. I take medicine, I hurt. I self medicate with weed, I hurt (but also i get to be high so there's a nice trade off. Getting ready to prep for a tolerance break though - partially because i'm trying not to build up too much of a tolerance, partially because I really probably shouldn't spend money on it since i'm already tight on funds, but it's christmas money and... anyway). I self medicate with alcohol, i'm drunk and i hurt. I work, i hurt. I stay home and rest, I hurt. I lay down, I sit, I stand, I move, I stay still, I hurt.

And I'm so t i r e d.

You know how if you're somewhere too warm or too cold or kind of uncomfortable and you just get up and move because fuck that? I can't do that. It's impossible. because the discomfort lives inside my bones. It's in my muscles and ligaments and joints and bones and skin and I hurt.

And the exhaustion is constant. I've been tired since I was small. Apparently children don't look for any reason at all to just lay down during play time, and be on the floor because they're just so tired, all the time. I didn't know that. I thought I was just always around the super hyperactive crazy kids as I started caring for others. I just figured my sister was the weird one because my parents decided I was a good kid cause I didn't cause trouble and I'd put myself down for a nap or to bed and I internalized that shit hard.

but in reality I've just been tired since I was too young to be so tired. I've hurt from minor activities since I was small. I would wear out so quickly and just want to sit and rest. I thought maybe as I grew up I'd be able to do more for longer and maybe for a little while I did, but my cringe-fail body will just not...function.

I'm nearly thirty and I've been complaining about my joints like an 80yo since I was sixteen. Nothing in my body works right and it hurts.

And there is nothing I can do to make it stop. I'm...trying to get a doctor's appointment to get restarted with a new primary care doctor, but I'm waiting on a call back about it and they haven't yet. I... need to call to check in about it but calling someone just sounds like so much fucking work and I... I don't...

I don't really want to go back to the doctors and see if they'll actually do anything this time. I don't trust them to take me seriously because I don't have a history of this stuff aside from anecdotal things i remember, and my family wouldn't back me up because I kept this shit quiet cause I thought it was normal for years. We didn't go to the doctor unless it was required by law while I was a kid (checkups before sports/school and the like, very very bad illnesses and such). So there's no pattern for them to follow aside from what I tell them. There's no proof I've felt like this since before I gained weight, there's no way to ensure that they understand it's not better when I lose weight, it's not better when I work out like they said it would be. it's not better when i change my diet or drink more water or anything it DOESN'T GET BETTER.

it's just less sometimes and those days I call pain-free even if there's still that low-level pain in the background (I'm never lower than a 3 or 4 on the pain scale. Never.) or the risk of me hurting myself because I do think I can manage something and then I over do it and fuck myself up for weeks on end.

My job is very hard on my body but it's... it's what I've got. I'm good at it and I am doing my very best but. I'm sure that's what they'll pick on next when they can't pick on my weight or my activity levels: "Oh well, if you just do less, have a less-intense job it'll be better!" Yeah except it wasn't better when I was working phone jobs, possibly the least physical job you can do. It wasn't better when I was a kid doing school at home and laying in my bed or sitting at a desk. It wasn't better when I was running half marathons at sixteen or when I was stoned out of my mind for two years in college. It wasn't better when I swam or walked or hiked, or anything. It. Doesn't. Get. Better.

And it's really... it's really hard some days because it's starting to dawn on me that I will never not be in pain. I will never not be tired. I will never escape this. Never. I can change jobs, I can move across the country, I can change my entire life. I could win a million tax-free dollars and never have to work again, I could work at the least physically demanding job on earth and I. Will. Still. Be. Hurting.

And it's hard. It's really really hard.

I've... been trying to be more positive and such about things because there's a lot going on in my life and it's... you know, you just kinda wanna feel better about stuff because living life feeling badly sucks balls. You get tired of feeling tired, you get tired of being in pain, and you're so fucking tired of feeling upset about it that you push yourself up out of bed in the morning, and you go "Today I will try my best and I will be happy with that."

Sometimes it even works. It was working. It sucked but I was doing okay.

Today was hard. I... i need more hours at work, but I physically cannot work enough of them to make ends meet. Thankfully my manager understands that I have physical limitations to what I can do and how much I can work but that doesn't fix the fact that I don't make money.

The budget is very red. And I am tired.

I have a large bag of cat food in my car I bought yesterday but I can't get it into my apartment because I cannot physically lift and carry it that far right now. I have several bags of trash waiting to be taken to the back of the building where the dumpster lives. I have to check my mail. My dishes have been in the sink since November 2020.

I can't.

I live alone. I have a cat. My energy has to go to work. What I have left over I try to use for things that make me feel happy and I sometimes don't even have enough for that. Shit gets left by the wayside.

I get two days off in a row this week. Then we start back over.

This is compounded by the...overheard conversation that looks like it was implying no one in our entire store is going to get their promotions or raises. Which I was kind of depending on to help me make my short hours work. I'm stressed out, I'm barely making shit work and I hurt. I hurt y'all. I don't know if I've made that abundantly clear yet or not.

And it's all the time. No breaks, no rest, no vacation.

I'm so tired.

[theonewhospeaksinweird]

🖤💙(Fuyuhiko x Reader) The Shitty Dancer and a Baby💙🖤 Part 3

💚 = Lime/Lil Spicy

💛 = Lemon

💙 = Sad

❤️ = Angsty (won't do many of these unless prompted)

💜 = Fluff

💔 = Heartbreak (rare)

🖤 = Normal

Last part of this oneshot!~ The next stories that will be posted will be requests that I've gotten!~ Exciting!~

WARNINGS: Mentions of illegal activities, Fuyuhiko is in this chapter with no cap, mention of potential child trafficking, panic attack, alludes to abuse.

Part 1

Part 2

After two more hours of ignoring Fuyuhiko's stares, and having an entire hour of practice of some new moves in the school dojo, I was extremely tired mentally as I trudged through the mostly empty halls to detention. I wasn't worried about Fuyuhiko bothering me anymore since I'm sure Kiyotaka would kick him out if he tried to come in to talk to me.

A heavy sigh resonated from me as I walked through the door, greeted by the sight of red eyes boring into me expectantly.

"(Y/N)-Sama! It is good to see that you did not forget your detention! Please, have a seat and keep in mind the following rules-"

Guiltily, I toned out Taka's words as I turned to sit down, only to stop right in my tracks as I saw my detention partner.

"-and lastly, no music or talking to the other students! Fuyuhiko-Sama is your only other fellow delinquent today, so I hope that will not cause any problems,"

No matter how much I wanted to speak, I couldn't. The boy leaned back in his far right corner seat, black suit and all, stinging his green eyes into me and looking relatively unhappy but not fully upset.

"(Y/N)-Sama, please take your seat," Kiyotaka ordered, spurring me into motion hesitantly as I stiffly sat down. 'Well, there is a no talking rule so he can't bother me without getting in trouble. It's only 30 minutes, then I can run out to Gundham's car outside.'

Forcing myself to relax, I just took out my notebook and began brainstorming ideas for a new dance set. All was silent, excluding the scratching of Kiyotaka and I's pencils against our papers, for about 15 minutes which made me forget that Fuyuhiko was even there. That is until the silence was broken by loud, mixed laughter and the sound of something being sprayed.

Of course, this caught the Ultimate Moral Compass's attention, making him stand him and march out towards the noise.

"Excuse me for a moment, please. . . Leon-kun! Mondo-kun! Please stop running in the halls and- WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO THESE LOCKERS?!" Hearing chuckling behind me, I reluctantly turn my head to the left to glance at the root of all my recent problems, only to see him already smirking at me.

"It's amazing what people will do for $100 and a few threats,"

The Yakuza stood up confidently and made his way beside me where he leaned against the desk immediately to my left. "You know, when someone ratted me out earlier to the "Pain-In-The-Ass Compass" for yanking on you and yelling, I thought it was a stroke of bad luck, but now I see it as the perfect opportunity to interrogate," It was quiet between us for a few more moments, and just like 15 minutes ago my body locked up and wouldn't move unless forced. I could feel and see him watching me out of the corner of my eye, a neutral face on his face as he filled in the quiet.

"What's your story? Where did you come from?" He was being surprisingly calm for some reason. 'Wonder what he's figured out about me.'

Clearing my throat and swallowing the nonexistent saliva in my mouth, I kept my eyes on my paper. "I don't know what you're talking about," 'He's probably talking about that. Obviously.'

"Don't play dumb. Peko and I did a little looking around on our servers and the school records for you. Found out some interesting things." I forced myself to act nonchalant while simultaneously pushing down the nervous bile rising in my throat. I couldn't let him know how on edge he had me.

"Oh? Like what, that I like to dance? 'Cause if you had to search around for that fact-"

"That's not what I'm talking about, (Y/N), and you know it," he slowly moved in front of me, leaning on my desk towards me with an accusing gaze, "Or should I say "Korean Tengu"?"

Even though I already knew that that was what he was going to say, I still flinched and clenched my jaw out of disdain for the name. My uncomfortable response made the bastard smirk since I just showed he was right. 'No point in denying this part, I'll see how much he knows. At least it seems like the school actually held up their end of the bargain.'

"How did you find out about that?"

"I have many resources as the next heir to the biggest Yakuza family in Japan. Illegal fighting rings are right up my alley. But that's not the important thing, is it?" 'Fuck, what is he getting at now? There's so many things he could've found out.'

Fuyuhiko reached into his jacket pocket and unfolded a piece of paper before slamming it on my desk and continuing to lean on my desk. It was an article with an accompanying picture; one that made my blood run cold.

"Care to explain why the undefeated champion of an entire illegal fighting ring killed her own dad? And only a day after her 2nd championship win at that?" The short boy's smirk was gone and his surprisingly hardened face made me shudder. He already knew the answer to the question, he was just seeing how I would react. This felt like the interrogations I had to undergo for the police, minus the pitying looks the officers gave me then. It was getting hard to breath right. I could barely look at the picture the article displayed of my dead father's beat up body. It just confirmed what I already knew for the past 2 years.

"You don'. . . it's not. . . I didn't. . ."

"I think you did. And I also think that one "Ruler of Hell" knows all about this as well. Don't think I didn't notice how cozy you two were yesterday," That spurred me to spew out a defense. I was getting desperate and didn't want him to connect Gundham to me.

"Leave him alone! He didn't do anything, so keep him out of this!"

"Not until you tell me what your connection is to him, and why you killed your own father, bitch!"

Too little air, so many voices, harsh words, harsher hits. It all came rushing back as I remembered everything that still haunted me every time I fall asleep. My head lifted up to stare at Fuyuhiko with an unadulterated hatred as his young and only slightly upset image flickered back and forth to an old, furious one that returned the same gaze. I squeezed my eyes shut so I could respond without freezing up. My body ached faintly as though I had fresh wounds and bruises just like I did back then. Tears burned my shut eyes but I force them away.

"That bastard deserved to die. You don't understand what he put me through. . . what he threatened to do to my brother and mom. . ! I was the only thing protecting them, keeping him at bay! I spent years fighting, getting better, becoming the best at fighting no matter what. Years of running my body into my own grave as I risked my life against grown ass men," A slightly insane, masochistic laugh strained from my throat as I hugged myself and dropped my face to one purely neutral, eyes still closed.

"But he still wanted more. A mere hour after my final championship, winning the grand prize money of half a million dollars and trophy, he said it: that he wanted to sell me to a dojo to make me continue training and. . . kill people with the new skills," I swallow thickly, opening my eyes to a now perturbed Fuyuhiko.

I'm sure he wasn't unsettled by me having to kill someone but by the fact that my dad, my family, tried selling me. Just for money. Hajime told me once that Fuyuhiko didn't have the best relationship with anyone in his family and that he always got flack from his dad about how soft he was at times, but I'm sure even his dad never tried to sell him. All I did was laugh dryly at his face as I tried to ignore the obvious hallucination of my dad flickering over him.

My gaze instead honed in on the mangled remains pictured in the paper below. It grounded me. Fed into my weak reassurance that he wasn't really here. Not anymore.

"He would have gotten 75% of each paycheck I received from a hit. It was all about money with him. Nothing more. And if he had sold me, he would have moved on to my brother and made him do something with dangerous animals to keep a flow of revenue since even then that little diva had a way with animals. Obviously couldn't let that happen.

"I don't know what he used it all on but I'm sure it was nothing good. But hey, at least he didn't add domestic abuse or double child neglect to his track record, though that was only because that was my one condition for staying with him: that he didn't touch my brother and mom and took care of them financially." A beat of time.

"Gundham's your brother. . ."

It wasn't really a question from him, but more of a realization since I'm guessing him and Peko at least tried to put Gundham somewhere in my life story's cast roll. I was too tired to dispute; besides I'm sure he would have figured it out eventually.

That revelation hung in the air as a deathly silence seemed to blanket the world. I was inexplicably exhausted from my inner turmoil of emotions and felt very vulnerable having told one of my deepest secrets to the boy that reminded me of my dad. The ironic smile that twisted my lips stuck as I drew a deep breath to calm myself down. The nervousness churning in my stomach almost made me want to throw up again.

"I'm sorry," 'Doth my ears deceive me?'

Sneaking a peek up at Fuyuhiko allowed me to read the regret and uncomfortableness that painted his face. He shuffled on his feet and avoided all eye contact with me.

"I didn't know you were forced into it, I just thought you did it for fun when you were younger, your dad let you, and the flashbacks were from people you fought. I guess. . . I should've just minded some of my own fucking business after that whole. . . shit show that happened yesterday so. . . yeah. . ."

My eyes widened in surprise at the half assed apology, his words trailing off at the end. I wasn't expecting anything like that coming from him. 'I guess when you think you've seen everything, the universe pulls a shifty one on you.' Since I couldn't verbally respond out of shock, I just tilted my face downwards to hide my watering eyes.

Other than the principal, only Gundham and our mom knew about any of this, and they both always took pity on me for what I had to go through for them. The sincerity of Fuyuhiko's words wasn't riddled with a consoling tone, but one of understanding which made me feel better than any comforting words. Didn't even try to address my situation, he just excused his own behavior which I suppose is in character.

I have never been angry at my family for acting the way they do towards me but I've always wished that I could share my story with someone who understood what it was like to go against your own nature just to please someone else; I guess I accidentally found that person in Fuyuhiko. Now don't get me wrong, I still think he's a little asshat that has a problem with managing his emotions, but I suppose everyone has their faults.

Swiping at my stinging eyes, I sniff before looking up at him and nodding in acknowledgment, no longer seeing my dad's haunting figure. When I did that, it seemed the tenseness in his shoulders washed away. Guess he really doesn't know how to deal with anyone's emotions. At any rate, I eventually found my voice as I started to put my things away into my backpack while settling back into my regular demeanor.

"Thanks, I guess. Just stop snooping around in other people's lives and this won't be a problem for you ever again, kid," Aaaaand back to normal we go. His respectful silence was officially over because of my comment.

"What the fuck did you say?! I already fucking apologized and don't call me a shitty kid!" His cheeks turned red as he finally sat up from leaning on my desk and clenched his hands at his sides.

"Yeah, a half-assed apology about digging up my traumatic past makes me feel real better.~ But I bet that was really hard for you, huh?~ Don't worry, it will get easier with time.~"

"Like hell I'm ever apologizing to your ass again! I shouldn't have even done it the first fucking time!" His excessive cussing made him even cuter and childlike. Like a kid thinking he's badass for using bad words. By now I had gotten my stuff packed and stood up to my full height just to mess with him.

"Oh, I think you will eventually, Baby.~"

It's fun riding the line of death and teasing. Just as predicted, Fuyuhiko got even madder since I was now obviously a lot taller than him, and because I called him "Baby". Then he paused and smirked all of a sudden.

"Only if it's after I fucking kill you." 'Oh I have the perfect way to turn this around.~'

"What? You said you're going to kill me by fucking me?~ Jeez, at least take me to a few dinners first, there's a fancy restaurant down the street.~"

Satisfaction replaced the shame on my face that was probably supposed to be there at the sight of Fuyuhiko's embarrassed and shocked face. I took this opportunity to wink at him before walking around him and out of the classroom. It was well past our time to be in here. Not even a few seconds later, I heard his angry little footsteps run after me as I lazed down the hallway.

"That's not what I fucking meant and you know it, bastard!! Why the fuck would I even want to fuck you anyway?!"

"Hey, I don't know, I can't tell what you're thinking.~"

"I wasn't thinking anything like that, fucker! And stop calling me those damn pet names!!"

"No, I don't think I will, doll.~"

This retort causes a string of curses to fly from Fuyuhiko's mouth towards me, putting even a sailor to shame. Eventually he stops swearing and walking but doesn't respond, and I can see him staring up at me from the corner of my eye. The small male reaches into his jacket, where he apparently keeps everything, and takes out my hat. 'Oh yeah, I did kinda leave that on the ground yesterday, though I didn't expect him to pick it up.'

Of course, he can't just hand it to me normally, so what I got was my hat slapping me in my face before falling into my arms. I couldn't help the little smile that tilted up the corners of my mouth as I tilted my head questioningly towards him. He wasn't scary now that he wasn't trying to punch and expose me.

"Listen up, idiot. I'm only going to say this once so pay attention," he sighed and seemed to get a bit serious again, "Just so you know, I'm not gonna do anything with what I learned about you, and I'm not gonna try and recruit you into my yakuza either."

This clarification made me a bit more at ease since I was unconsciously thinking about those possibilities. But Fuyuhiko looked like he wanted to add something, so I raised a brow as I placed my hat on.

"Anything else?~" He scoffed at my prompting but continued.

"But. . . if you ever decide to, y'know, get back into action with practicing your skills in the field, I'm lacking manpower in turf fights sometimes so even a shitty dancer like you can maybe help out. You wouldn't be killing anyone and you could, y'know, stop whenever you wanted," He looked embarrassed again, just for even hinting at offering me a spot in his yakuza. There was nothing else I could do but laugh which Fuyuhiko obviously took the wrong way.

"You could have just said no! There no need to laugh, next time I won't offer you shit-"

"Pfft, no no, that's n-not why I'm laughing!~ I just- you're too- haha!~" My laughter kept interrupting my own sentences, and all I could do is double over while raising a hand in a request for patience. Even through my joy, I could feel the anger meter rising in Fuyuhiko the longer I took to compose myself.

"Shut the hell up and say it already, bitch!!"

"Okay, okay, I'm fine," a few chortles died out as I stood up straight again, "Hun, I'm not laughing at your offer, I'm laughing at your embarrassed face.~ You get so flustered too easily.~" A look of disbelief from him turns quickly to anger.

"That's not any fucking better than laughing at what I said, dumbass!" My clarification only made his cheeks redder, "Enough of this, let's go before Ishimaru gets back. I only paid those idiots to preoccupy him until 2 pm and it's 10 'til." The red faced yakuza turned on his heel and quickly walked the rest of the way down the hall with me following him in stride but with fewer steps.

"I think you're just trying to escape from me.~ Am I making you too worked up?~"

"Shit, don't say it like that!! Fuck you, you tall ass bean pole!" 'Opportunities just love to present themselves to me, don't they?~'

Moving to walk beside him instead of behind, I lean down close to his ear with a smile full of bad intentions.

"What the fuck-?"

"Fuck me?~ When and where, Baby?~"

A shit-eating grin spread across my face as he turned into a cherry tomato. I took this as my cue to leave, and attempt to save myself from the oncoming ass whooping I was sure would come once Fuyuhiko came to his senses.

"Oh, would you lookie there, that's my brother's car.~ Welp, gotta blast!~"

I took big and fast strides to the black convertible that had my brother surfing his phone, and the Four Devas playing around on the dashboard. When I hopped over the door and landed into the seat, he put his phone away and started to speak. The Devas ran across the leather and jumped all over me, squeaking and nuzzling me. Their little paws scrambling all over me just added fuel to my laughing fire.

"Hello, sister of mine.~ How was-"

"Hey hey, we gotta go, Gundham.~ I'm gonna die, start the car!~" Contrasting my urgent words, laughter poked through my words as I turned to smile back at the forthcoming, fuming Fuyuhiko.

"Get back here, (Y/N)!! I outta have you fucking sold to a whorehouse!!"

Gundham's eyes widened in surprise at what he yelled as he started the car.

"Now wait just a moment, you quarter-sized halfling-"

"Already tried it, not very fun!~ Go, bro, or we're both gonna be a part of the BABY'S tantrum!~" I pronounced the nickname extra loud just for shits and giggles.

"Fucker, get out of the goddamn car and face me!!" Just before the angery boi reaches our car, Gundham finally listened to what I said and peeled off, making me have to reach up and hold my hat to my head. Watching Fuyuhiko get smaller in the side mirror, I let out a loud laugh which made my sibling continually glance from the road to me in confusion.

"Would you care to explain why that fiendish devil, the one who you swore personal oath to avoid for as long as possible, has just threatened your being with a 'whorehouse'? Is he still bothering you?" There was a contained anger that rose in my brother's voice toward the end of his question, making me realize what that exchange looked like to him. The Devas looked back and forth from me and Gundham, sensing the clash of our different tones.

"Oh, yeah, we're coolish now.~ Some things happened during detention that made us realize that. . . we aren't that different." My previously wide smile simmered down to a melancholic one as I dragged my hat down to my lap. The four little hamsters sniffed at it before climbing inside to lay down. Probably seeing the truth in my peaceful expression, Gundham relaxed and went silent for a few moments.

"You told him, didn't you?" I nodded.

"Yeah, but he kinda dug up part of the story with Peko, the little shit.~ I just filled in blanks and details once I realized he wouldn't stop bothering me if I didn't.~" A weary sigh from my right.

"Was that the correct choice of action? He could use it against you one day."

That questioning made me doubt what Fuyuhiko reassured me earlier about not blackmailing me. My fingers ran over the soft fur of the now sleeping Devas as I thought. The idea of just blindly trusting a Yakuza's verbal "promise" sounded stupid to anyone with common sense. . . but I haven't had any of that for a few days now, so there's no point in getting some now.

And sure, we could discuss the potentially lethal repercussions of everything I just did to Fuyuhiko that will bite me in the ass tomorrow, but is this really the time?~ I hardly think so.~ Right now was the time for answering my brother with an unhealthy amount of confidence, considering the kind of answer I was giving.

"Yeah.~ It was.~"

This part was short too, but I hope you enjoyed it!~ Take care, dearies!~

Part 1

Part 2